The following is from a forthcoming book by Kathy Glatz. Kathy is writing a 31-day meditation as she has gone through the process of donating her kidney to her husband. The following is a profound meditation from her journey…

There have been at least half a dozen times in my life when I was going through a very difficult time and crying out to God and He was silent. In fact, now that I think of it that seems to be the pattern every time. I’ve always come to the conclusion, as I’m sure many have, that either I wasn’t able to hear him or he wasn’t speaking for some reason that I couldn’t understand. I’ve always felt very alone in those moments and have come out each time with a weird combination of telling others that He was with me and upheld me throughout (at least I wanted to believe that) and somehow his silence was on purpose and it was to teach me something. Neither one of those felt good to me.

The other night while recouping at home and my husband still in the hospital after the transplant I had a vision of a crystal clear pool of water. The water was so still is was perfectly glassy and so clear you could see everything underneath in great detail. Even the different colors of the grains of sand on the bottom.  I heard the Lord say to me, “This is what my perceived silence really looks like”.

I took some moments to really stop in my spirit and mind to gaze at the image and take in all it was saying to me.

The surface of the pool was completely undisturbed, no movement of any kind. That meant that what was lying underneath the surface was completely visible and in fact color and texture enhanced by the clear water.

Have you ever found a beautiful pebble on the beach and marveled at the mixture of beautiful colors and textures only to find out later after it dried out at home that it was only when it was wet that all those colors were so vivid and true

I remember being at a glacial lake at the Mohonk preserve years ago. Although the lake was up to 80 feet deep, the water was so clear you could see the bottom. It made it a little freaky for swimming because you had this incredible sense of free falling and the bottom seemed so much closer than it was.

In the vision that pool was God’s very nature with all the detail of who he is lying just under the surface of the water. The crystal clear water left undisturbed enables us to see all the details of his nature in incredible vivid detail. Everything about him is accessible and seen. Standing at that pool I was able to take as long as I wanted to see and know. I did not want to disturb the water in any way and obscure what I was able to take in.

We think of silence as a moment of no sound, no information coming in. No communication from him. That is not true. Silence can speak more to us sometimes than anything else can.  

When we think God is being silent, he is not being silent at all but rather he is giving us an invitation to come near to him and gaze deeply and freely into His nature. It’s an invitation to explore completely exposed and undisturbed who he is. It requires us to come unafraid, silent, and gaze deeply into him. He has actually stilled the waters for a time for this to happen. And the longer we gaze, the more we will see.

We don’t need as many words as we think we do.  Sometimes we just need to see him, really see him, and he longs for this, invites us into this deep union in those moments of “perceived silence”.

When I am going through a difficult time I no longer cry out to God to reveal himself and speak to me, I look for the pool of still water.  There I find rest, clarity, truth, comfort, whatever I need to know about him.   I think that’s what the scripture means when it says, “He leads me beside still waters for his names sake.”

And I no longer look at these times as a trial or test in the wilderness, but as an invitation to see, touch, taste and experience more deeply who he truly is in all of his incredible beauty.  I walk away feeling full, not alone; brave and full of wonder.